Alex Cantatore

A little over a week ago, as we were preparing for the Valentine’s Day issue of the Journal, my editor referred to me as, and I quote, “completely unromantic.”

“Me, unromantic?” I said/laughed in reply. Clearly my editor does not know me as well as she thinks she does.

Of course, it is entirely understandable that those about town could see me as a cold, hard, uncaring beast of a man given my journalistic integrity and penchant for staying away from drama as much as possible in the name of professionalism.

But what if girls started to get the wrong idea about me? What if I suddenly found myself unable to instantly woo a winning woman with a smile and a quick turn of phrase thanks to my reputation as a stone-cold reporter who thinks romantic is just an eight-letter word with no place in City Council stories?

I promptly asked my editor for permission to write a column disproving this vicious rumor of unromanticism. And then I realized that doing so might be harder than I had originally thought.

I mean, sure, my gift giving has been far from perfect throughout the years. Perhaps the highlight (or lowlight, if you prefer) of my Valentine’s Day gift selections came in 2004, when I gave my then-girlfriend a Leatherman, everyone’s favorite multi-function pliers, knife, and bottle opener.

Yes, I did indeed give my girlfriend a Leatherman for Valentine’s Day. And, no, she did not break up with me, despite her initial befuddlement.

You see, there were extenuating circumstances. This particular girlfriend knew Valentine’s Day as more than just a day of cherubs and roses; it was also her birthday.

Knowing the double-dose of responsibility I faced to make V-Day especially joyous, I decided to break the evening up into two gifts.

First, for her birthday, something practical: a top of the line Leatherman Wave that would help the newly independent girl be able to fix just about anything that broke in her apartment. And then, for Valentine’s Day, a fantastic dinner at an exclusive Italian restaurant and sold-out tickets to see a Russian ballet company I had purchased months earlier, knowing that my girlfriend was a ballerina in high school.

Tell me you’re not just a little bit impressed, female readers.

Of course, that’s far from the most romantic thing I’ve done. Perhaps my crowning achievement would be the time I gave a girlfriend a key a month before Valentine’s Day and told her, “you’ll need this.”

I then soldered copper wire to create a beautiful, hand-made heart-shaped jewelry box, with ribbon woven through the wire mesh. Of course, the key went to the jewelry box’s lock.

The suspense was fantastic. Every day she was asking me about the key.

When Valentine’s Day finally came she ripped open the wrapping and found inside the jewelry box that wowed her, and which she still has to this day. To make the present even better, upon using the key to open the box she found a rather nice necklace, if I do say so myself.

I am, indeed, the guy from the jewelry store commercial who makes a card for his girlfriend by hand because the ones at Hallmark just don’t capture the entirety of his emotion.

I’ve sewn a quilt, I’ve written songs, I’ve conducted scavenger hunts, and I’ve even written a storybook of a relationship. Believe me, I have wowed my girlfriends with my romantic abilities. And it’s really not that hard to do, if you just put a little effort into it.

To give a romantic gift all you have to do is build a little suspense. You have to keep your girlfriend excited about an upcoming day by letting them know that you’re thinking about it, that you’re excited about it too.

And, of course, when you get to that day you have to do something that lives up to the suspense. It takes forethought, planning, and a desire to make your girlfriend happy (and to see her happy), but it also takes a little knowledge of what your female companion does and does not like.

Few women would enjoy an iron for Valentine’s Day, for example. But poetry? That seems like a gimme, right?

Not necessarily. I spent countless hours on a short collection of poetry for a girlfriend once, only to get a half-hearted, “Wow, thanks… but I don’t really get poetry.”

To be honest, I should have known in advance. She wasn’t literary. I let my own love of poetry cloud my judgment of what might make a good gift for her, maybe something like a trip to the wine country or a couples’ massage.

But tastes differ. I recently had a friend commission a poem from me for his girlfriend, as he knows she’s a big fan of the art form. Fortunately, as I’m taking this Valentine’s Day off from the romantic rat race, I had plenty of time to craft an award-winning sonnet for the gentleman and keep my toes in the game of love.

As to whether or not it’s romantic to pay someone else to write a poem for your girlfriend, I’ll leave that decision up to the reader, but at least he thought about her in advance and wanted to give her something she’d love.

Oh, and that Leatherman I told you about? My ex-girlfriend now counts it among the best gifts she’s ever received.

Holler at your romantic columnist.

To contact Alex Cantatore, a Virgo who enjoys reading, writing, politics, people watching, poetry, and, of course, long walks on the beach, e-mail acantatore@turlockjournal.com or call 634-9141 ext. 2005.

Originally published in the Turlock Journal 2/17/2009.
Retrieved from the Turlock Journal Web site.